Surprisingly today was okay.

Also I actually manage to wake up!

I just dun like certain questions regarding

1. My Age
2. Works / Future / Future Studies

Answer to the first question?
Remember the number 16. 16 last year, this year and every other year.

Whats the big deal?

I dun like the responsibility that comes with it. Or whatever is related.

Also make me feel like Lolita Fashion is getting so far away from me. Or taken away from me only because of my age.

I haven owned a Lolita brand yet. I haven go to Harajuku yet. I haven properly wear a complete suit yet. I haven tried every single sub-category of the fashion yet.

And it makes me regret why I haven find out about this earlier? Even why I couldnt just set my mind on it and spend hundreds of dollars on a dress ALREADY.

As for the second question.

I somehow realized that it can be compared to...

A Normal boy/girl reaching puberty. Something like not a girl but not yet a woman.

A very awkward stage.The reason why I added in NORMAL is because I never ever felt that before.

I never thought of wanting to be older. Which probably somehow link to the first question.

I currently dun know what I want in life besides wanting to go to Japan and buy Lolita Dresses.

I dun like to enclose anything about my working life because I dun have anything to talk about it. It is not really about being embarrassed. But I personally feel that no one really understands it. Maybe not even my family. Because of a factor being mentioned. Somehow it is being "stereotyped" or something which I really dun like. The things that are linked to it. It really isnt how you particularly think. Whether or not if you are trying to state the negative or positive factors about it. Coz I have a whole lot of mixed feelings towards it I cannot and do not wish to mention. I did do alot of thinking about it also. (I am surprisingly a very sensitive and negative person LOL) It isnt really something I like doing alot and I honestly do not see any future it can actually lead to. Sometimes I even feel stuck in it. But only because doing this it helps the people the matters the most to me in life. And this being such an important reason, I actually stayed this long. I personally think no one should talk to me about this unless you really understand how I feel. Which unfortunately, I did not catergorize anyone under that list yet.

As for Future, seriously nothing lies ahead of me. I do not see anything at all. Degree? Lets not even talk about the part whether I can go into a uni or not. Then I seriously do not have anything I am really interested or am good at. I took Engineering and realized that there is really no point studying something I have not much interest and really not good at. Okay probably the money part only. I couldnt understand a thing taught and have no memories of the past 3 years of poly. Was probably rather miserable at studies. Even when it is so easy. Yes people say they dun understand too. And when the results come out. It doesnt particularly tally with what they say. LOL. Just writing what is said in the textbook blindy? Well that is one amazing feat already! Coz I cant even do such a thing? Wahahaha~

Okay this is one of the longest paragraph I have written for a long time.

Yeah so enough already. Be creative and ask something else. Like seriously.

These probably makes me more and more detached from society. I really do not wish to meet anyone I know anymore. Hahaha~ I got nothing to talk about my life anymore.

My self esteem somehow drop to a new low every single extra day I live. I know I am very fortunate and appreciate it alot. But this is a different thing.

But I guess its really okay. Coz besides my Lolita Dress Funds, I am saving up for my "future-if-everything-goes-wrong-i-will-stay-alone-in-my-one-room-apartment-and-stay-in-it-without-coming-out-then-rot-and-die-in-there"